I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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