i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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