If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
