I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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