i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize