dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
