kristin has been a bad kristin
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
