where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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