I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
