3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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