I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize