TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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