We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
