I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize