complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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