My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize