Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
