i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
