my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
