I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
