So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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