I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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