oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
