i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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