I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
