Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
