Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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