rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
