Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
