Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
