Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
