i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
