It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
