Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
