Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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