I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
