I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
