You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
two words: eviction party
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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