And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
