he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
