need another drink. this is the easiest way
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
