You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
