I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
