so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
