I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
birth control should be required to get into college
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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