I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Randomize
