Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
