LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
