I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
