My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
