i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
