erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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