nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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