She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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