I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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