My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
