quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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