You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize