I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm both gender and math confused
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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