i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
