Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
