he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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