Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
