i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
