Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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