the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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