I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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