I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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