Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
