Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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