Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
