just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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