i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
