What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
