just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
