I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
