There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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