I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
