just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
