I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I party with great urgency now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
