peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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