Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have post one night stand depression
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