If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
