I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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