i would punch a child for taco bell
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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