You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
