Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
