What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
