Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
