Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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