No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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